i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
