I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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