last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
