my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
