i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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