I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
