I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
