I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
