I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
