if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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