Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
