my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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