I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
