She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
