I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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