Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
