Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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