he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I could fuck to npr.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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