I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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