There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
bring money and cleavage
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
