i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
