My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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