How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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