He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
