Dual....:-)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
