Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
