In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
