I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize