whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
