Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
North Korea, Best Korea!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
