Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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