And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
