apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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