I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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