Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
