I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
