oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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