Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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