i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
