just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
