i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
