don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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