Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
