her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I need moral support for this bender
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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