She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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