Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
