Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
