i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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