I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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