I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize