Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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