so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
