Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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