apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
