Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
being pregnant is like rehab
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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