Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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