where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
