i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
