I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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