He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
