That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize