So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the day after is always just damage control
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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