I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
