He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
